do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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