Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
