I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
