the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize