Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
