I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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