I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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