and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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