hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
