and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish you could order shots online.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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