Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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