Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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