i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
