If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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