I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
