My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
