i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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