Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
