she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
