I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
