it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
