On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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