A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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