I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
