I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Randomize
