I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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