you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
