There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
