You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize