Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
