So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
