just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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