how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
