i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
