Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Randomize
