Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
dude. I can hear the air.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
