My brain says no but my pants say off.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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