i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
