i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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