Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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