I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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