I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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