I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
