your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
