you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
