Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize