Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
