Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
