I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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