okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So squirting runs in the family.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
