no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
