i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Randomize
