i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
