I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
