Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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