Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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