For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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