There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
