sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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