then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
