Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
