the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
