Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
