Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
