I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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