if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
