The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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