a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
