my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
